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Revisiting Being a Feminist

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This was the first post in a series where I ruminated on what it means to me to be a feminist. And, for re-reading the post not much has changed in the past two years or so. First things first, I have no problem self-identifying as a feminist. Just as some of my colleagues live by their Marxist or Socialist tendencies, I live by my feminist beliefs. I advocate feminism and I am an advocate of feminism, but I do not shirk the label.

I do get frustrated though when assumptions are made about feminisms–as if there is this  monster of sorts. There is so much variety among feminist theories and feminists themselves. I am a strong believer of the fact that there are different types of feminisms. There is not a monolithic feminism or feminist club that I have to earn a card to be a member of and act and speak a certain way in order to keep my membership. Feminism is not Costco. Feminisms provides a philosophy of life, love, education, politics and so much more. My feminist politics includes an understanding of the importance of intersectionaliy. My feminism includes an understanding that politics and life are influenced by race, class, education, sexuality and many other indicators.

To be honest, I find it quite amusing when a student or other person outside of academe accuses me of having feminist politics. The student might as well accuse me of breathing and thinking. We are all guided by a philosophy of sorts–mine just happens to be feminism. And, some many decades later this term seems to scare, enrage or confuse people. I recall being in grad school and a professor asking me if I was a Chicana or Feminist first. I felt the question was a ridiculous question. Shall you take my right arm off or my left? My identification of my ethnic background is inextricably connected to my feminism.

Feminism informs the way I read pop culture, articles, people’s actions and I will not apologize for thinking. If my feminism intimidates you–you need to think about why is this the case? Do you understand feminism? Do you want to? Years ago I recall telling a friend that I was going to be a cultural critic when I grew up. I don’t think either of us understood this, but when she later told me that her mother thought that was a terrible idea, I knew I was on to something. I tell my students that my vocation is thinking, reading, writing, and more thinking. This thinking is informed by feminism.

The typology of feminism that best explains my own would be Women of Color feminisms circa This Bridge Called My Back  added with Third Wave feminisms. I was lucky enough to earn a BA in Women’s Studies (Go Aztecs! ) at SDSU, so most of my mentors were of the Second Wave persuasion. I feel well versed in different types of feminisms.

How does this feminism inform my daily life? Well, that is for a different post or two. One about my teaching, and another about relationships (parenting and love). Femnisms informs my life.

The above screen shot is from the Feminist Ryan Gosling Tumblr. What a great gift and I add here to make make you smile.

It’s OK to Talk About Mental Health

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Airdrie Miller @airdrie_miller Public School Teacher http://www.talkingtoair.com
It’s OK to Talk About Mental Health #Breatheyyj

Miller is sharing her experience with panic attacks in university. At first she kept quiet about her experience, but later sought help from the university mental health services. She has a 1998 baby, too. Awwww. “Nowadays we’re not putting pictures in albums–we’re putting them online.” She stopped her therapy and later had another baby. Then, postpartum depression hit. This is so common for many women.

She realized that she suffering from depression and resumed therapy. She got better and then resumed work after nine months. Oh, I love the Wonder Woman slide. She was doing it all…you know where this is going to go. Love her slide of the WHO’s definition of Mental Health. It’s telling and we need to stop and assess. Are we healthy? Are we pushing ourselves to attempt to be perfect?

Miller notes that mental illness does not discriminate! Twenty percent of Canadians will suffer from mental health issues in their life. This number is important to think about, as we all know many who are living with mental illness. Miller shares that she began to have serious thoughts about self-harm. She then quit her job and became what she calls a Desperate Housewife, but still suffering from depression.

She was very brave and ultimately was placed in the psych ward. This turn of events changed her life. Her experience with the outpatient therapy was positive. She went back to work part-time and tried to keep balance in her life. Then, her dear husband contracts colon cancer. Sigh. Derek Miller. After four years he succumbed to cancer. I’m so glad I heard her share her truths. She ends noting: It’s OK to not talk about it. Do what is right for you–so true.

Rona Manynard Rocking it at Breathe Now

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I’m sharing my almost live tweets about Rona Maynard’s keynote today at #Breatheyyj. @ronamaynard Wow, great preso. Any keynote coach would say: Brava! #Breatheyyj Thinking about her comments about resentment. She grew up in alcoholic household, but on the outside everything looked fine. Maynard knew that she wanted more–a different type of life. Trailblazer.

She was part of the generation who was trying to do it all. Remember she was the Editor in Chief of Chatelaine. But, it was hard to do it all–hard to keep balance. Lots of head nodding in the room, as she shared these points. We think we have to be Super Women. This can be an issue in a hostile work environment. We will burnout. We will get sick or worse. Maynard left one job and worked at home and slipped into a depression. “With trembling fingers I made the call to a women’s mental health clinic.” I’m glad that she’s sharing this story with us today. We need to get rid of the stigma about mental illness, as it is so common.

“Say no to unreasonable demands.” Rona Maynard

This is really hard to do. People expect us to say yes. Oh, this is important to me right now. I’ve recently said no to a few things and stood my ground much to the surprise of those around me. I said no to protect myself and my integrity and refused to get bullied. Back to Maynard, I really want to read her book, My Mother’s Daughter: A Memoir. I want to read her life story, as I think I have something to learn from her.

“Saying no is not about fighting with people.” Rona Maynard

Her preso is reminding me that I’m not alone in parenting a teen. You do have to pick your battles. You do have to call a truce on certain issues with your teen. Boom. Thinking maybe a family meeting is in order to chat about things. Maynard’s speech is making me think of so many things.

“40 is a magical age for women.” Rona Maynard

Maynard shared that her articles led women to write her letters. She was motivating them. It’s refreshing to hear that she made a difference in so many women’s lives. I am impressed. What a perfect fit for @BreatheNow. I am so proud of the team of co-founders, sponsors, and volunteers in making this possible. This is our little slice of community building in Victoria #yyj.

“My gift is building community through stories…” Rona Maynard

I really love her comments about resentment. Makes me think of the resentment olympics. It’s important to protect your time, so that you don’t feel resentful. You need to keep the well-spring full. We need certain mantras to stay happy. It’s work. Can’t say, “Accio balance. Accio happiness.” You have to work on it and keep your boundaries in order to do it. And, I will be honest, I do keep the positive emails and when I need to–I will review them. It’s grounding after a tough day.

Thank you, Rona for giving me food for thought.

Anti-Bullying Workshop: Part 2

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I previously blogged about an Anti-Bullying held on March 31st, 2012 that I attended in San Diego. The workshop was sponsored by Voices of Women and was for the local Somali community. The latter half of the panel included a community member and the local Police. The first presenter was Ramla Sahid, community organizer. Yes, I smiled when I heard this descriptor and after hearing her presentation I was so impressed. Did I share that she’s also a SDSU alum?! Yes, she is. This young woman is working for social change. “We are accountable to one another.” Hearing her say this was important. She was reminding the mothers and daughters in attendance. Yes, the audience was predominantly sex segregated and I will speak to this later.  She also gave a polite yet scathing commentary on how the tough on crime legislation and policies in California were counter-productive.

The other speakers were two police officers: one Lieutenant and one Detective. I am not using their names–both of them work in the community and I will leave it at that. The two really spoke to the intricacies of the laws regarding bullying and harassment. There were a few moments when I wondered if the presentation was right for this audience, but nonetheless their presentation was good. I also was at times fascinated by their guns. The guns looked out of place–I know that they were on duty, but after years in Canada I am not as used to seeing lots of guns around. (Humor). The officers noted that if bullying begins in primary school it only worsens in junior high and high school, so it’s important that we respond.

“Respect is universal.” Lots of head nodded when the Lieutenant made this statement. Farah noted that we need to get the men involved and that they need men only workshops. I am not sure if I agree, but then again I am not taking into the cultural considerations. Perhaps he is on to something and these male only workshops can also speak to the importance of fatherhood. More workshops is definitely something work thinking of given the proliferation of bullying and need to curb it in schools.

When the question and answer period took place Agin Shaheed noted that we must get the fathers involved. There were only mothers in attendance. He also noted that across the US 87% of teachers are women. (Is this why we keep on hearing the press and experts pick on teachers? Is there bullying against teachers because this is still viewed as women’s work? Maybe that is another post).

Anti-Bullying Workshop: Part 1

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I had the distinct pleasure of the Voices of Women’s (VOW) Anti-Bullying workshop in San Diego, California on March 31st 2012. VOW collaborated with the United Women of East Africa for this workshop. I was quite pleased to be in the minority in the crowd. The majority of the attendees were women from the Somali community in City Heights neighborhood in San Diego. The array of panelists provided insight into the policies and realities of anti-bullying today in San Diego and more specifically the San Diego Unified School District (SDUSD). The array of handouts that SDUSD uses with documenting bullying and the anti-bullying efforts impressed me. I kept multiple copies so that I could share them at home. And, here I include my screen shots.

The first speaker, Agin Shaheed, is an administrator with the SDUSD. His exact position focuses on Race Relations. I couldn’t help but think that his job must be incredibly rewarding and exhausting. Shaheed noted that the SDUSD is the largest school district in San Diego County and second largest in the state. This would make it behind the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD). Shaheed opened up his remarks reading a moving poem he wrote. He reminded the audience of 50 about the murders of Shaima and Trayvon. I was glad I packed my tissues. Shaheed made a germane point about cyberbullying and the way it invades the home–it makes this form of bullying more invasive. Victims of cyberbullying are not safe anywhere.

The next speaker Maslah Farah, Director of the Neighborhood Unity Foundation shared that he was bullied and got into trouble while he was in school. He shared that the bullying stays with you for the rest of your life. He also opened up my eyes to how important cultural issues are. He noted that in Somalia families really look to the teachers as a second parent and that corporal punishment is more common in the schools or other forms of discipline that are not allowed here. (I could hear some warm laughter as he noted this). What I took from his talk is that he was kicked out of high school and is now successful and using his community work to mentor others in the community. He reminded us that we need to move away from a mainstream culture that enjoys witnessing misery.

This portion of workshop really made me think about the ways that we think about bullying. I also wondered what sorts of policy the local schools in Victoria (where I live) have regarding bullying. We can talk until we’re blue in the face about how bullying is bad, and that kids should not do it. But, until we practice this and don’t encourage bullying among adults we unfortunately model bad behavior. Just turn on some reality television shows and we can see and hear bullying. Look at some of the news magazine shows and we can also see the bullying nature by the hosts. We live in a society where bullying is rampant. Not to seem trite–but we  need to model better behavior.

Not Shopping on Boxing Day: Class Bias?!

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I have previously shopped on Boxing Day or the day after Christmas. It’s a good time to find bargains, but the upshot is that everyone is out shopping and it’s almost as chaotic as Black Friday. I tweeted on Twitter about how I would not be at the mall today. And, a few friends responded or retweeted. One thing that I noted today, though, is this dripping sense of condescension toward the hordes that were shopping.

Now, we can get into a debate about consumerism and that is fine and well. However, my issue here is more about people looking down at the people who are braving the crowds and saving money. I do have the luxury to buy the vast majority of my kids’ Christmas gifts prior to Christmas. I certainly do not think that today’s shoppers are misguided. I guess that I am reacting to tweets and posts on other social media platforms.

I previously blogged about Black Friday and Zombies, so perhaps here I am being somewhat hypocritical. That post was really about our need for “stuff” and I had just finished a YaLit book that included a Zombie who moaned, “Stuff,” so the comparison really worked. George Romero beat me to the comparison a generation ago! I know that when I drafted that previous post, I kept on thinking about how some shoppers have to shop on Black Friday in order to afford the gifts/items. One thing that I can tell you–collaborative consumption is making more sense. But, when I was a college student, I lived for the after Christmas sales.

Now, tomorrow we will work on our “something in and something out” rule. This does not include books. I know that we’ll have a bag or box to take to Women in Need or the Salvation Army. Happy Holidays!

Mon Fun Facts: Things You Enjoy

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This Monday I am mixing things up and posting a Fun Facts. My Mon Fun Facts is a reminder to do things that you enjoy. What makes you happy? I’ll share some activities that make me happy. First assume that my family and friends make me happy. That is a given. OK, a given on most days!

1. Exercise. I need to clear my mind. And, exercise is the best way for me to do so.

2. Reading. I actually get cranky if I am not regularly reading books and magazines. I have to fit these into the reading and marking of student work, but I do. And, sometimes I am more successful than others. I always have lots of books on the go.

3. Cooking and baking. I don’t know what it is, but I take great satisfaction in baking or cooking. I find the process and smells soothing and there is nothing like having my girls swarm the kitchen for some freshly baked cookies. And, the students are really happy when I surprise them with cookies.

4. Brain massage. Yes, watching a movie or some TV. There are times when I just need to plop down on the couch and get a brain massage.

5. Body work. Speaking of massages…I cannot say no to body work. I’ll include physio, acupuncture and massage in this category.

Remember to do what you enjoy and try to live a balanced life. We can get caught up in the rush of our daily lives and forget to take care of ourselves.

Maclean’s Article about Dutch Women: Class and the Welfare State

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Last week Macleans ran an article by Claire Ward, “The Feminism Happiness Axis: Are Dutch Women Powerless, or Simply Smarter Than the Rest of Us? The article can be found: http://awe.sm/5RZQ1 The first thing that I find most interesting is the immediate connection to feminism with work, family life and happiness. I’m so thankful that feminism has made my life complete and I embrace my politics head on, but why must the media make the knee jerk connection to cookies, family and feminism. While I enjoy cooking and especially baking, it has nothing to do with my feminist politics. This is where we see how strong stereotypes are about the alleged man-hating, mother, children hating, angry feminists. If I had a dollar for every feminist I met like this, I wouldn’t have a dollar.

The media needs to get clued in to the fact that feminists comment or write about institutions that have not given women a fair shake. Nowhere in Of Woman Born does Adrienne Rich say that she hates mothers (like herself) or that she hates her children. No. Her classic book is a wise, provocative rumination about the institution of motherhood and the lack of choices that women have or had for her generation. It’s not quite as sexy to say that we feminists are cultural critics or public intellectuals. No, it’s easier (lazy) to say that we hate men and that we judge other women for “opting out” of the workplace. The opting out discussions typically miss the inclusion of a class analysis and how women who can opt out have class privilege thanks to their partner’s income. Likewise, there is an assumption that these women are opting out forever, when some are taking time off to raise their children until primary school. Like most issues, there is so much here.

Getting back to the Macleans article, though, what is really missing is a class analysis. I’d also like to see an immigration/refugee and race analysis, as well as the basic demographic analysis. There is more to this study and our understanding of what is going on for women. I want women to feel happy–happy in the home, workplace, parliament, congress, farm, university, etc. But, I want a full picture of what this will take. And, I do not want to see the scapegoating of feminisms. If we want to point fingers, we have to look in the mirror. We have to also think about what constitutes success.  And, we have to look at social welfare programs, education rates, leadership rates, and so much more. This is a rather detailed, important conversation that it going to sell lots of magazines!

What Macleans has artfully done is offered data from an interesting study and spun it about feminism-blaming and guilt. Here, we have a small country with a strong welfare state. This is not a fair comparison to the US or Canada for that matter. As  social scientist, I want to see the study and I want to see demographics disaggregated and then compared to other nations. This study offers us food for thought and no more. But, alas, the spin cycle is whirring.

Moms Clean Air Force: Air Quality Concerns

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The Moms Clean Air Force (MCAF) is a great example of a community-project that is fighting for the environment. The group is composed of mostly moms and some dads and they work in concert with the Environmental Defense Fund and other organizations to ensure that we don’t experience roll-backs in public policies that will harm people and the environment. Their mission is simple: Fight for clean air for our kids. After being in Southern California for a few weeks, I can attest to the fact that they have their work cut out. You can see the brown layer of smog driving into the Los Angeles Basin. Sure, it’s not as bad as it used to be, but there will still work to do.

The website provides a wealth of information about laws and efforts to protect the environment. For more information check it out here: http://www.momscleanairforce.org/. My favorite part of the website is the call to action–What You Can do. It is so common to feel powerless, but want to get involved and MCAF is a great example of a group who are taking it to the web, writing letters, and attending events in hope of making a difference. What this means is that the organization is part of a long history of parents taking charge in order to make a difference. We can look to other organizations like the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom (WILPF) and even the The Woman’s Christian Union (WCTU) as sister organizations that attempted to instill change. MCAF is more akin to Women Strike for Peace, though, via their different efforts. I would argue that MCAF is a proto-feminist, environmentalist organization based on their mission–they are concerned with Human Security and Human Rights via ensuring clean air. I don’t think that this is too much of a stretch.

Funny enough–I wonder how many of the participants would even think of themselves as activists. What might happen is that the activism is so fluid, you want clean air and all the benefits that come with it. And, you might not think of yourself as an activist, but it just happens. MCAF is an activist organization that is fighting the fight at the grassroots level. Who said that social movements are dead?! As a feminist parent, I enjoy finding out about organizations like MCAF, so that I can connect with the organizations and also share the information with others. We can use social media for more than monetization.

Being a Feminist Mother: Part I

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When I was a new mama, I kept a journal that I named the “Bad Mama Chronicles” (BMC). I wrote entries when I was exhausted and somehow felt that I had failed my daughter that day. I am sure that I could have continued the BMC and the entries would have changed during the course of my daughter getting older and then the arrival of her little sister. Parents know how hard it is to parent, to mother, in my case.

Being a feminist mother has meant different things to me at different times in my girls’ development. So, for time and space, I will refer to what I think today. Being a feminist mother means that I encourage my girls and discourage the influences of pop culture and advertisements in their lives, so that they do not think that they are not smart enough, perfect, thin enough, need the next toy, food, or gimmick to fulfill them. This is a full-time job! I also need to bite my tongue and listen. It was easy in the beginning to be in charge of buying their clothes and dressing them, when they were little girls. Now, both of them have their own distinct tastes and thankfully both of them are sporty, although the youngest like the occasional frilly item.

However, now they both have wider social circles and there are more people influencing their lives. Funny anecdote: a teacher was reviewing the eldest daughters quiz answer and one of her answers to why we should respect a particular woman scientist. She explained that this scientists refused to stay with her philandering husband. The teacher had marked this answer as wrong! Yet, this personal trait also spoke to this scientist’s personal strength of character. I smiled and listened to the teacher and just listened to him. I don’t want to make waves for my daughter and could understand part of his argument; however, I think that her answer was correct–just not what he was expecting.

The best thing that I can do as a parent is set a positive example for the girls. The adage is that actions speak louder than words and it is so true. Some days I think about how I have had a really great day with the girls and other days–not so much. Parenting is a marathon.

This Summer was a great one. My eldest had that epiphany when she realized in a deeper way what it means to be Latina. We were surrounded by my family and when we were alone–we had some conversations about race and I could see her mind working. Later we took a trip to Olvera St. (first puebla in Southern California) and this trip was different from the previous ones. She took in the history. All those years of Spanish CDs and a trip to a Latino historical site made all the difference. Again, actions can speak louder than words.

There are more posts to come about being a feminist mother. This is just the beginning.