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Patience Works Both Ways

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There are easy terms and there are terms that make you earn a every penny. About three years ago I was in a car accident over the Summer and when the Fall term started I was quite aware that this would not be a normal term. I tried to work my schedule so that I could make a good impression on the job and meet the needs of my students. I was partially successful. And, this post offers me an opportunity to reflect on what I could have done better.

In most situations in life we do not get a change for a “do-over,” but it’s good to occasionally have the chance to think about the what if situation. Thinking about that Fall term I wish I had moved my afternoon class to earlier in the day, so that I would have had full use of my mind and body. That term was one of the toughest ever, as by about 4pm I was absolutely exhausted and could barely walk across campus. It was a rough. I was mildly embarrassed, but did announce to the class that I had a car accident and that I would not be my usual self. I stood by the podium must of the term and didn’t walk around and was not my usual peppy self. I found that most students were quite patient with me and I thank this for them. The morning class got the regular me, but the afternoon got the extremely tired, stiff version.

I have found that some students, though, have no patience for anything short of perfection from their instructor. And, this makes things interesting. You see, I have to accommodate students who are registered with the Resource Center for Students with a Disability, have notes from Health Services, are student athletes, and the like. And, I have no problem with flexibility, when it’s warranted. Some students are a little thick to understand that an instructor could have an illness or some other issue in their personal life. And, I learned that term to just roll with it and let it go. I also think that if I could go back I would have reminded the students more than once that I was struggling. I tried to act like things were fine. I’m not going to lie, though, the student evaluation that noted, “We don’t care if you were in a car accident–keep your personal life out of the classroom” really stung when I read it a few months later. I hope that person is never in a car accident or faces any physical hardship. This is really the only negative reaction that I recall.

My morning evaluation numbers were normal; however, the afternoon class numbers were slightly lower than the previous four times that I taught that class. Was the .7 difference because of my health? Maybe. What I do know is that term taxed my patience and I bet that some students felt the same way! My advice to other faculty–honesty. Let your students know if you are facing an unusual term. Most students will understand and offer you some compassion.

Catching my Breath: One Week Post-Breathe Now

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It’s been more than a week and I am still processing the magic behind the Breathe Now ( #breatheyyj ) conference that I co-cordinated with Angela Rafuse-Tahir, Janice Mansfield, and Yukari Peerless. We wanted to organize a conference that we wanted to attend in Victoria. Between the four of us we have attended business women conferences, social media conference, academic conferences, BlogHer, Blissdom, and other work-related conferences. We wanted something completely different that spoke to women’s need to balance work and life and remembering to take time out for yourself and breathe.

The conference was a resounding success from head to toe. The energy was pulsating at the various panels and workshops that the 100 delegates attended. I saw lots of smiles, tears, and heads nodding during the presentations. A common theme throughout the weekend was that it’s important to have balance in our lives. Many women spoke to how imbalance led to different types of crises and the need to reflect and reboot life. I was pleasantly surprised to hear repeated speakers talk about how important therapy, exercise, sleep, eating right, and taking time out for oneself was crucial to mental health and overall physical well-being. When the conference ended, I got sentimental and felt a little sad that the weekend was ending, but so many great connections were made.

I’m thankful for all the emails, coffee dates, and tweets that I’ve read since the conference. I learned lots about myself, my friends, and the various speakers. Our choice of keynote speakers was perfect, too. Rona Maynard and Bif Naked both spoke their truths and offered the delegates a chance for important reflection. We all left the conference energized and ready for everything and anything. I look forward to chatting with my friends about Breathe Now 2013!

Rona Manynard Rocking it at Breathe Now

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I’m sharing my almost live tweets about Rona Maynard’s keynote today at #Breatheyyj. @ronamaynard Wow, great preso. Any keynote coach would say: Brava! #Breatheyyj Thinking about her comments about resentment. She grew up in alcoholic household, but on the outside everything looked fine. Maynard knew that she wanted more–a different type of life. Trailblazer.

She was part of the generation who was trying to do it all. Remember she was the Editor in Chief of Chatelaine. But, it was hard to do it all–hard to keep balance. Lots of head nodding in the room, as she shared these points. We think we have to be Super Women. This can be an issue in a hostile work environment. We will burnout. We will get sick or worse. Maynard left one job and worked at home and slipped into a depression. “With trembling fingers I made the call to a women’s mental health clinic.” I’m glad that she’s sharing this story with us today. We need to get rid of the stigma about mental illness, as it is so common.

“Say no to unreasonable demands.” Rona Maynard

This is really hard to do. People expect us to say yes. Oh, this is important to me right now. I’ve recently said no to a few things and stood my ground much to the surprise of those around me. I said no to protect myself and my integrity and refused to get bullied. Back to Maynard, I really want to read her book, My Mother’s Daughter: A Memoir. I want to read her life story, as I think I have something to learn from her.

“Saying no is not about fighting with people.” Rona Maynard

Her preso is reminding me that I’m not alone in parenting a teen. You do have to pick your battles. You do have to call a truce on certain issues with your teen. Boom. Thinking maybe a family meeting is in order to chat about things. Maynard’s speech is making me think of so many things.

“40 is a magical age for women.” Rona Maynard

Maynard shared that her articles led women to write her letters. She was motivating them. It’s refreshing to hear that she made a difference in so many women’s lives. I am impressed. What a perfect fit for @BreatheNow. I am so proud of the team of co-founders, sponsors, and volunteers in making this possible. This is our little slice of community building in Victoria #yyj.

“My gift is building community through stories…” Rona Maynard

I really love her comments about resentment. Makes me think of the resentment olympics. It’s important to protect your time, so that you don’t feel resentful. You need to keep the well-spring full. We need certain mantras to stay happy. It’s work. Can’t say, “Accio balance. Accio happiness.” You have to work on it and keep your boundaries in order to do it. And, I will be honest, I do keep the positive emails and when I need to–I will review them. It’s grounding after a tough day.

Thank you, Rona for giving me food for thought.

Continuing the Conversation about Guilt: Academics on Academia

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I’ve enjoyed my conversations with Liana Silva. Her last post really touched me and troubled me. I was not frustrated with Liana, but with the truths she spoke about the ways in which academics allow the constant blurring of our work and personal lives. She made me look into the mirror and think about my work and the infamous to do lists that I keep. I spent all last week thinking about guilt. The guilty way I feel when I think about my day and the constant struggle to get all the tasks completed.

There is always a paper to write, assignments to grade, lectures to work on and other work. Then, add to that projects, publications, and service in the department, faculty and wider campus. The reality is that most academics do not work a 40 hour work week. No, we work easily work 50-60 and during the crunch periods more than this. And, this doesn’t include all the time responding to emails or thinking about the job. Alas, we do not get to bill by the fifteen minute increments!

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Mon Fun Facts: Things You Enjoy

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This Monday I am mixing things up and posting a Fun Facts. My Mon Fun Facts is a reminder to do things that you enjoy. What makes you happy? I’ll share some activities that make me happy. First assume that my family and friends make me happy. That is a given. OK, a given on most days!

1. Exercise. I need to clear my mind. And, exercise is the best way for me to do so.

2. Reading. I actually get cranky if I am not regularly reading books and magazines. I have to fit these into the reading and marking of student work, but I do. And, sometimes I am more successful than others. I always have lots of books on the go.

3. Cooking and baking. I don’t know what it is, but I take great satisfaction in baking or cooking. I find the process and smells soothing and there is nothing like having my girls swarm the kitchen for some freshly baked cookies. And, the students are really happy when I surprise them with cookies.

4. Brain massage. Yes, watching a movie or some TV. There are times when I just need to plop down on the couch and get a brain massage.

5. Body work. Speaking of massages…I cannot say no to body work. I’ll include physio, acupuncture and massage in this category.

Remember to do what you enjoy and try to live a balanced life. We can get caught up in the rush of our daily lives and forget to take care of ourselves.

Learning to Say No: Boundaries

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I am still learning how to say no at work and in my personal life. I am an energetic person and I like to do things and have a sense of giving back—be involved in the communities that I belong to. This includes on campus, off campus, both kids, and other communities that I engage with in my daily life. The only problem—there are only 24 hours in the day and I am not cloned, yet!

I am venturing into year three of working with my door completely shut at work. It took me a good six months or so to feel completely comfortable with that. I really thought that my previous open door policy was sound and important. Then, I came to realize that I had to get work done and that as an Undergrad Advisor I had students at my door all the time. The best advice was from a colleague who suggested that I shut my door. Now, I no longer have any issues with the door shut and establishing boundaries when I am available and not for office houring.

The virtual advising, though, is something that I’ve had to come to grips with, as students will email at all hours of the day and advising questions are important and in some instances time intensive. This Summer, like most, I was in California for a month and was not available for advising. I had the usual auto-email explaining my absence. I made a special point of acknowledging emails and directing most students to the department for the advisor of the week. And, this year I didn’t feel guilty about it.
This is an ongoing process for me, though. I find that I’m getting better at saying no and directing the student or other request to a more mutually convenient time. I have to say that most reactions are fine. No one is put out that I cannot make a coffee date for two weeks or that they have to wait a week for my office hours.

As a fan of sci-fi and fantasy I will admit that the cloning in #BSG intrigues me. I would have a clone to do certain work, but I would save the real me for enjoying life!

Maclean’s Article about Dutch Women: Class and the Welfare State

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Last week Macleans ran an article by Claire Ward, “The Feminism Happiness Axis: Are Dutch Women Powerless, or Simply Smarter Than the Rest of Us? The article can be found: http://awe.sm/5RZQ1 The first thing that I find most interesting is the immediate connection to feminism with work, family life and happiness. I’m so thankful that feminism has made my life complete and I embrace my politics head on, but why must the media make the knee jerk connection to cookies, family and feminism. While I enjoy cooking and especially baking, it has nothing to do with my feminist politics. This is where we see how strong stereotypes are about the alleged man-hating, mother, children hating, angry feminists. If I had a dollar for every feminist I met like this, I wouldn’t have a dollar.

The media needs to get clued in to the fact that feminists comment or write about institutions that have not given women a fair shake. Nowhere in Of Woman Born does Adrienne Rich say that she hates mothers (like herself) or that she hates her children. No. Her classic book is a wise, provocative rumination about the institution of motherhood and the lack of choices that women have or had for her generation. It’s not quite as sexy to say that we feminists are cultural critics or public intellectuals. No, it’s easier (lazy) to say that we hate men and that we judge other women for “opting out” of the workplace. The opting out discussions typically miss the inclusion of a class analysis and how women who can opt out have class privilege thanks to their partner’s income. Likewise, there is an assumption that these women are opting out forever, when some are taking time off to raise their children until primary school. Like most issues, there is so much here.

Getting back to the Macleans article, though, what is really missing is a class analysis. I’d also like to see an immigration/refugee and race analysis, as well as the basic demographic analysis. There is more to this study and our understanding of what is going on for women. I want women to feel happy–happy in the home, workplace, parliament, congress, farm, university, etc. But, I want a full picture of what this will take. And, I do not want to see the scapegoating of feminisms. If we want to point fingers, we have to look in the mirror. We have to also think about what constitutes success.  And, we have to look at social welfare programs, education rates, leadership rates, and so much more. This is a rather detailed, important conversation that it going to sell lots of magazines!

What Macleans has artfully done is offered data from an interesting study and spun it about feminism-blaming and guilt. Here, we have a small country with a strong welfare state. This is not a fair comparison to the US or Canada for that matter. As  social scientist, I want to see the study and I want to see demographics disaggregated and then compared to other nations. This study offers us food for thought and no more. But, alas, the spin cycle is whirring.